Trusting your gut

I had lunch with a friend today.

Let me just say - how life-giving it is to have good friends! In and of itself, it's food for my soul. But we also got onto a topic that I find very interesting: just "knowing" where you are and having a "sense" of where you are going.

We were talking about the subject of having kids. I am, as of this moment in time, unable to have children. I don't know why; and I'm in the investigative process at a fertility clinic right now in order to understand the ins and outs of the 'why'. It could be my husband, but my gut tells me it is me; and regardless, the physical results of this malady have put me in an interesting position: one of making an actual decision about children.

The nice thing about having girlfriends and being a girl yourself is that you have the freedom to just 'talk' about issues: things like whether or not you really WANT to have children; and regardless of the conclusions reached in that conversation, you're free to change your mind during the next conversation based on the way you FEEL about it that day :) I have talked through this issue with I don't even know HOW many different women, and I have run the full gamut of whether or not I really want to have children - from I definitely DO and I KNOW it, to I'm not sure, to I definitely do NOT. It changes every time I talk about it and my feelings about the subject fluctuate with the circumstances of every day and the feelings of the moment.

Today when I was talking about it, it was almost like I was able to get out of my own way. It was like the Holy Spirit was able to pull back the curtain of my feelings and thoughts, and for the 'first' time, show me clearly what my path really was. Could I see the details of the path - no. But when you're walking down an actual path, can you see more than the 10-20 feet in front of you? No. However, I could see a path; and I had a clear sense of what the path would hold.

Intuition, many times and in many circles, is written off to being a female thing and something not to be trusted. But my experience has been that my intuition is really not mine at all. My intuition's name is the Holy Spirit, and he loves me. He sees me. He knows me. And he knows my path better than I ever will and sees farther down it than I ever could or want to. If I'm willing to synch up with him, he'll lead me - and the end result will be better than I ever could have imagined.

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. [However] As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,...so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace..." ~Isaiah 55:8-12